Yesterday, we went to a viewing for our beloved neighbor, Tony. He passed away this weekend, just under a year since his wife Olivia passed. They were one of those couples who you admire, and wish you could emulate in your own relationships. They loved each other, their three grown boys, grandchildren, and their neighbors more than anything…they were good people.
In Phin’s short, almost five years of life, he has not been a stranger to death’s door. He was conceived out of love at the time my grandfather, JC Stewart died; was nearly born when Troy’s great uncle Pat passed; and as an infant, attended Troy’s grandmother Natalie’s funeral. Of course none of these he remembers though. We also had to put our cat, Coltrane to sleep this past year, and Phin seemed to grasp the concept then.
Seeing loss through my child’s eyes is one of the hardest things I have had to do as an adult. The first funeral I had ever been to was my grandfather’s, and I was a grown up. I don’t recall having to face death as a child, and never had to explain it before. This is what the cycle of life and death is, attempting to explain to a child what life and death is, what our bodies are for; and why we die. Questions that I don’t know the answers to, nor will I, until I too pass from this world. We try to teach our children about the world around us, without making it seem too visceral for them at such a young age, but sometimes that is impossible. Death is part of our lives, all of our lives; and as we continue to live this life, the more we get acquainted through all the lives we have shared time with and who eventually pass on.
Last night, Phin came with us to the viewing for Tony. We had not intended to take him up to the casket, but he asked us if he could see him, he persisted. We decided to not make this natural part of life so taboo, especially since he asked. He knew that “Tony” was in there, and he wanted to say goodbye. So we brought him up, and together, we all said goodbye to our dear friend and neighbor.
Phin loved Tony, he said from the backseat of the car as we left the viewing, “I’m going to miss Tony, he was our friend, one of our best friends.”
We will miss you Tony & Olivia, the best next door neighbors we have ever had.
